Learning To Dominate Disappointment

I struggle with disappointment. Even today after nearly 25 years of ministry, at times I am still shackled by the pain and hurt disappointment brings.

Disappointment can be described as the failure to achieve expectations or that which was hoped for. In a conversation among ministers, I overheard one pastor claim that he knew the key to overcoming disappointment. My attention was suddenly drawn to him. He began sharing his insight with a small group of young ministers who had gathered around him.

“The key to overcoming disappointment,” he said, “was in refusing to expect anything out of anyone.” He and the group of eager, soon-to-be pastors, laughed. Unfortunately, many weary, worn, and battle-scarred ministerial soldiers embraced his casual remark about disappointment.

A disappointing Sunday afternoon begins when attendance goals are not met, anticipated spiritual results are not achieved, and there is an empty response to the altar call following what you believe is a God-given message.

Disappointment increases as: an outreach fails in spite of your prayer, planning, and preparation; a deacon disagrees with the obvious solution to an issue; a trusted worship leader suddenly receives new direction for the worship service and fails to share it with you; a dedicated and committed family informs you as you are walking to the platform on Sunday morning that their spiritual needs are not being met by your ministry, and they have decided to attend the new church across town.

Another, and even more disappointing, hurt happens when the rumors about your children partying and misbehaving are true. These kinds of disappointments often leave scars.

The nature of a pastor’s calling, ministry, and life includes high expectations for him and his family. Unfortunately, those expectations sometimes fail to materialize.

God-called kings experienced disappointment and heartache in their family. King David grieved over the death of his rebellious son Absalom (2 Samuel 18:33–19:4). God-appointed and God-anointed apostles endured the disappointment caused by an associate minister’s disloyalty. The apostle Paul wrote to Timothy: “Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me” (2 Timothy 4:10). Even Jesus felt disappointment and lamented because the people of Jerusalem refused to embrace His ministry (Matthew 23:37).

Disappointment is a negative part of a pastor’s calling. It is often painful and unwanted. But pastors must not allow their faith and future ministry to be influenced by past disappointments. Ministers must guard themselves against becoming cynical. They must remain faithful to their flock, churches, and ministries in spite of past results and disappointments.

Though pastors struggle with disappointment, they must learn to dominate disappointment when it comes their way. Pastors may benefit from the following suggestions.

Keep your eyes fixed on the source of your help, not the vessel of your help. The Lord is a pastor’s source for ministry, but He uses man as the vessel to deliver His blessings and benefits to people. The Lord never disappoints, but His vessels can at times cause disappointment. My grandmother said: “Trust in the Lord, and thank God for men.” If pastors place their trust in men, they set the men and themselves up for disappointment.

Your communion in the Word of God and fellowship with the Holy Spirit must remain constant. Loyalty can be unconsciously misplaced. Most people pastors fellowship with will automatically gain their loyalty. It is easy to substitute fellowship with the saints for fellowship with the Savior. When a pastor makes this substitution, his dependence turns to his congregation instead of God. When a pastor spends time with God, his confidence, guard, and expectations are founded in His ability, not in his own.

Your God-given vision is nonnegotiable. Pastors are often tempted to validate their vision by the results of individual events, church attendance, offering totals, and even comments received on their Sunday morning message. A pastor’s God-given vision for his pastorate, family, and ministry is not adequately measured by an event, offering, or attendance figure. Those measurements may indicate the progress and development of a vision, but they do not determine a vision’s validity. Pastors determine through prayer and Bible study along with the counsel of spiritual advisors what God’s vision for their ministry is. Then they must refuse to allow individual disappointments with programs, attendance, or others’ actions to deter them from moving forward in accomplishing God’s plans and purposes for their life and ministry.

Ministry disappointments will come. Even so, it is better to live with expectations and suffer some disappointments than to walk through life expecting nothing and receiving what was expected.

Robert Turner, superintendent of the Tennessee District of the Assemblies of God, Madison, Tennessee.