Successful Conflict-Management Principles

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Conflict interventions may take many forms and utilize a variety of approaches and tools. Whatever the approach taken, conflict intervention must foster a certain set of essential conditions for bringing the conflict parties to the place where they are willing to work together to break the destructive behaviors in their relationship. Successful conflict intervention must:

1. Help people develop their own personal, psychological power-base

A person who is insecure or threatened in a given relationship or situation cannot think creatively about ways to resolve the conflict. A person who feels weak or trapped can only think of survival. Successful intervention depends on strengthening your opponents and helping them feel better about themselves so they can help define the conflict issues and reach a solution.

2. Develop a relational base

An essential step to constructive conflict management is building a relationship of acceptance and trust. When the trust level is high, almost any effort to communicate is successful. When the trust level is low, communication tends to get distorted and misunderstood.

It is better to build trust before conflict erupts, but essential levels of trust can be created in conflict if valid information is provided and people know they will be allowed to make a free and informed choice.

3. Filter the assumptions, rumors, and charges

A vital aspect of generating valid and useful information is to flush out all of the assumptions, rumors, and charges surrounding the conflict — and to separate fact from fiction, truth from error. Until these assumptions are identified and tested to see whether they are valid or invalid, persons will tend to fear and believe the worst.

4. Establish joint collaboration for problem solving and decisionmaking

Conflict divides people over issues; problem solving draws them together around a common task. Identifying the areas of agreement brings immediate hope, releases energy for searching ways to cooperate around these areas of agreement, and makes the areas of disagreement seem less threatening.

5. Establish a covenant

After the problem solving/decisionmaking is completed, it is vital that all parties establish a covenant to carry out the agreements. At the simplest level this may mean rehearsing the agreements, verbally or in writing, and allowing each party to pledge its commitment to carry them out. In more complex agreements, the covenant may contain specific times, events, or responsibilities with a check-up plan to see how well the agreements are working and to make necessary adjustments to avoid future conflict.

—Norman Shawchuck, Ph.D., Leith, North Dakota