Responding to Conflict

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Where two or three come together in Jesus’ name … there will eventually be conflict.

A church is as susceptible to conflict as any other human organization. No matter how much you and others in your church want to serve God and advance His kingdom, all of you are still affected by the Fall, which means you will inevitably experience conflict.

Conflict in the church can take many forms. Low-key gossip and slander can slowly poison an entire congregation. Unresolved tensions between pastors, elders, and deacons can destroy cooperation and rob a church of effective leadership. Prolonged family conflicts can lead to rebellious children or bitter divorce. Deadlocks on church committees can cripple needed ministries. Disputes between members who do business with one another can lead to consuming lawsuits.

Any time a conflict between two people in a church is not properly resolved, it can grow to infect an entire congregation. Such conflicts are often more intense and destructive than those in secular organizations. Whenever people take positions based on religious beliefs, they often succumb to self-righteousness and begin to judge others’ motives. Thinking that they alone are defending biblical truth, they label all opposing views as unbiblical, sinful, and even “of the enemy.”

Of course, some disputes in the church involve nonnegotiable issues of doctrine or obedience to the Word of God. But all too often Christians foolishly magnify minor theological differences or matters of personal conviction or expediency, which can unnecessarily polarize an entire congregation.

This black-and-white thinking tends to magnify differences, harden positions, and make confession, compromise, and reconciliation extremely difficult. Thus, church conflicts often lead to win-lose results, with the more powerful side proudly coming out on top and the weaker side being forced into a resentful submission or angry exit.

Such conduct in the church clashes head-on with Jesus’ passionate prayer to the Father for His church: “May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me” (John 17:23). Instead of letting all people know we are Jesus’ disciples by our love for one another (John 13:35), we give the world more and more excuses to label Christians as hypocrites and dismiss our contradictory witness to a God of grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

You cannot prevent conflict in the church. In fact, God may bring conflict to the corporate life of the church to encourage change and spur spiritual growth. How Christians respond to this conflict, however, determines whether it has been prevented from developing further or allowed to progress into destructive sin. Conflicts will come. Will your church be prepared to respond?

Preparing the church for conflict means being deliberate about the preparation process — truly cultivating a “Culture of Peace™” in advance of the conflict. Romans 14:19 says, “Let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another” (nkjv). The church must pursue conflict preparation as it would any other ministry of the church. This involves teaching God’s Word, providing training in reconciliation skills and principles, and, most important, making a commitment to “make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3).

Whether you are a senior pastor or a new member, there are many ways to help your church learn how to respond to conflict biblically, and thus improve its evangelistic witness and ability to minister. Read the Culture of Peace™ section for specific ideas and steps to transform your church into a peacemaking church.

—Ken Sande, © Peacemaker® Ministries. Used by permission. www.HisPeace.org