We Dare Not Fall: Dealing With The Peril Of Clergy Sexual Misconduct¹

By Stanley J. Grenz

Despite recent attempts by many churches and denominations to raise the awareness of both clergy and laity to the debilitating effects of sexual misconduct, the list of persons whose ministries have been marred by illicit liaisons continues to grow.

“Ex-seminary Head Admits to Misconduct,” screamed the headline. John M. Mulder had resigned as president of Louisville Presbyterian Seminary nearly a year earlier due to recent health problems and a desire to devote more time to family. In September 2003, however, the true reason for the resignation became public — sexual misconduct. The highly successful seminary president released this statement, “In the final years of my presidency, I yielded to personal temptation by inappropriately engaging in sexual conduct with adult women outside my marriage vows, my pastoral vows, and contrary to Scripture.”²

Despite recent attempts by many churches and denominations to raise the awareness of both clergy and laity to the debilitating effects of sexual misconduct, the list of persons whose ministries have been marred by illicit liaisons continues to grow. The temptation to misconduct honors no gender boundaries. Nevertheless, as the Mulder resignation suggests, the most widespread situation continues to be male clergy who become involved with women in their pastoral care. What is at stake when this particular type of misconduct occurs? What can male pastors do to stem the tide? Clergy need perspective on the phenomenon of clergy sexual misconduct. Perspective can be gained by delving into the deeper dynamic involved; by bringing to light the expanding circle of the victims that sexual misconduct leaves in its wake; and finally by regarding how sexual misconduct can be prevented. This is a realm where we dare not fall.

What Am I Doing When I Fall?

Violation of sacred trust

Every pastor is the recipient of a sacred trust. Without that sacred trust effective ministry cannot occur. Engaging in sexual misconduct violates this trust.

The breach of trust in every incident of clergy sexual misconduct includes a violation of the power entrusted to a minister.³ Congregants readily invest great power of influence in their pastor because they believe as their spiritual physician “the pastor knows best.” They accept his diagnosis of their spiritual ailments and are predisposed to follow his prescriptions for their cure. They allow themselves to be vulnerable to him, especially in crisis situations. They do this willingly, because they assume their minister will always act in their best interests, even if this requires that he set aside his own needs for their sake. Congregants assume that their pastor views the power they bestow on him as a sacred trust.

Peter Rutter points out that a female congregant brings into the pastor-congregant relationship her “intimate, wounded, vulnerable, or undeveloped parts” which he holds in trust.⁴ Her wounds may include sexual or psychological trauma dating back to childhood or a history of being treated as a sexual object. Whatever the cause of her need is, she may seek out her pastor, hoping through a healthy relationship with him she will find healing and a new sense of wholeness. As she develops a special connection to her pastor, she may reveal increasingly more of herself to him. Eventually the conditioned response learned from earlier experiences of sexual exploitation might make her open to maintaining her relationship to this powerful man on sexual terms, especially if she senses that he desires or demands it.⁵

Violation of power

The congregant’s vulnerability makes the clergy-congregant relationship susceptible to the abuse of power. John Kenneth Galbraith pinpoints three aspects of power that may be abused in his monumental study The Anatomy of Power.⁶ The pastor may coerce the congregant into sexual activity by threatening to sever the relationship. Compelled by this abuse of condign power (i.e., influencing others by threatening adverse consequences⁷), the congregant may agree to sexual contact, hoping to prevent the separation from occurring. Or the pastor may convince the congregant that responding to his sexual advances is the means to obtaining the fulfillment of her hopes, thereby controlling her through an abuse of compensatory power (i.e., promising something that the individual values). The clergy-congregant relationship is especially susceptible, however, to an abuse of conditioned power (drawing on the belief structures of others to lead them to submit to one’s will⁸). A congregant generally enters the relationship believing that her pastor would never suggest any morally wrong activity that would violate her in any manner. A minister may exploit her ingrained assumption of his integrity to overcome her inhibitions and lead her to submit to his sexual advances. (See sidebar “Clergy Sexual Conduct: Types of Abusive Ministers.”)

Sexual contact does not always arise through an overt abuse of power on the part of the pastor. Occasionally it comes at the initiative of the congregant, perhaps from her misperceptions about the situation. Even then, a woman’s sexual advance does not discharge the pastor from his responsibility to keep the boundaries intact. When a congregant under his care offers herself to him sexually, the wise minister assumes there are deeper dynamics at work.⁹ If he cooperates with her destructive behavior pattern, the pastor abuses the power she has entrusted to him.

Violation of sexual trust

The pastor who falls has betrayed a power trust. At the same time, an illicit relationship between pastor and congregant violates a sexual trust as well. Sexual misconduct has become widespread, even among clergy, partly because the church has lost the biblical understanding of human sexuality and consequently its ethical moorings. In a day when inappropriate sexual behavior is destroying lives, many people are looking to the church to be a place of safety, healing, and wholeness. Pastors play a crucial role in providing the robust affirmation of the sexual ideal that is much needed in a day of infidelity, promiscuity, and sexual opportunism.

All persons who engage in adultery or illicit sex break a sexual trust. They violate their spouse, their sexual partner, and even themselves as sexual beings (1 Corinthians 6:18). And they efface the beautiful picture of Christ’s relationship to the Church that marriage is intended to portray. Like any Christian guilty of sexual misconduct, the minister sullies this great theological metaphor. Such an act constitutes an additional betrayal of trust as well. In addition to the trust all believers share to keep the marriage bed undefiled (Hebrews 13:4), pastors are to live as examples to the flock. They are to instruct the believers not only by what they say, but also by how they live. Ministers are to demonstrate to the community what it means to live with integrity, including sexual integrity. A pastor who engages in illicit sex effaces the ordained office as a model of integrity and thereby betrays his sacred sexual trust.

Violation of the pure image of God

Above all, clergy sexual misconduct mars the image of God. Central to the Christian faith is the biblical declaration that humans are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26). Scripture indicates that God created us with a special task — that we be divine image-bearers (Genesis 1:26,27) by mirroring in our relationships God’s own character.

The Bible teaches that God is characterized by a self-giving love that seeks the benefit of others, even when doing so necessitates personal sacrifice. We see this love in the story of Jesus: “though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich” (2 Corinthians 8:9). As Christ’s disciples, we are to reflect the loving way in which God relates to us.

Contemporary psychologists declare that healthy relationships are crucial for personal growth. Above all, it is through other people that we learn of God. For many congregants, no one is more significant as a symbol of God than the pastor. Through him they hope to gain insight into God’s nature and character. They anticipate that the pastor will be a picture of Christ. They expect his relationships with congregants to provide an example they can emulate. They envision that he will diligently seek to model God’s self-giving love in all he does. In short, they expect the pastor to exemplify the divine image. They sincerely believe their pastor will consistently be a means through whom they might encounter God. And they assume that he will never willfully act in a manner that falsely represents the divine character.

The special trust a pastor enjoys offers him great potential for ministry as he carefully cultivates relationships of integrity with others. This dynamic is especially important in sexual conduct. A pastor who is characterized by purity and fidelity proclaims by his life God’s love and faithfulness toward the persons in his charge. With this sacred trust, however, comes the potential for misuse. A minister is susceptible to using his position for his own personal advantage.

Violation of the integrity of the pastorate

Any illicit sexual relationship mars the divine image. Any act of sexual indiscretion undermines the integrity of the pastorate, sullying the model of the divine image that God designed. However, when a pastor has an illicit liaison with a congregant, the sexual misconduct takes an additional, pernicious dimension. The congregant likely came to her pastor in her woundedness to gain a renewed awareness of the faithful and unconditional love of her holy God. When this expectation is met with sexual contact, the pastor-congregant relationship no longer is a means whereby the Holy Spirit can heal her wounds and form her into a mature person. Consequently, the person most violated through the sexual misconduct is the congregant who entered the relationship with the hope of finding healing and gaining wholeness.

Violation of the identity of the minister

By crossing into the forbidden zone the pastor has violated his own identity as well. Through his sexual indiscretion, he has besmirched his identity as a minister of the gospel, and forsaken his divine calling and vocation as one charged with fostering growth in the lives of his congregants. No longer can others “see” God through him. He has betrayed the divine image and with it, a sacred trust.

Who Gets Injured When I Fall?

Clergy sexual misconduct leaves in its wake a widening circle of victims.

The congregant who is victimized

The most obvious victim is the congregant with whom the pastor became involved. Although occasionally a seductive woman may seek a sexual liaison, clergy sexual misconduct generally involves a woman who is vulnerable to her pastor’s sexual advances. What dynamics foster a sexual relationship between a congregant and her pastor? What kind of woman is susceptible?

Four types of vulnerable women

J. Steven Muse describes four general types of vulnerable women.¹⁰ The first is the “primarily healthy” woman. In the midst of a personal crisis, she finds in the pastor “the strong and sensitive male she has been longing for who listens to her pain and values her as a person and not only as a woman.”¹¹ Although the “primarily healthy” woman does not intend to become sexually involved with her pastor, the intimacy that develops can readily become sexualized.¹²

Survivors of incest and sexual assault comprise Muse’s second category. Because these women have repressed their trauma to survive, their capacity to identify and assertively draw personal boundaries is badly impaired.

The third type of vulnerable woman is plagued with what Muse calls “borderline personality organization.” These women tend to be possessed by a great fear of abandonment and lack impulse control. Because they have not integrated the opposite dimensions of their own emotional life, they “quickly idealize the persons to whom they are attracted, only to devalue them later for what they perceive as rejection.”¹³ Left unchecked, this tendency leads to what the movie industry has marketed as “fatal attraction.” This may lead a woman to become the stereotypical “seductive female.”

The final category encompasses codependent, addictive persons or, to follow Muse’s characterization, “women who love too much.” These women did not receive the encouragement and love they needed to affirm themselves during their childhood, and become attracted to men whom they and others perceive as powerful. Lacking a healthy self-image they constantly seek approval from these men, and are too willing to oblige them by shaping themselves to fit their expectations. As Muse notes, “They have trouble distinguishing the assertive, healthy, life-giving ‘martyrdom’ of love from the unconscious life-taking doormat variety.”¹⁴

The family of both parties

When the sacred trust these women place in clergymen is violated, it begins the ripple effect of victimization caused from incidents of clergy sexual misconduct. Other people soon join the ranks of the victims. The family members of both parties are usually the next to be affected by the liaison, and each one suffers different, but real consequences of the misdeed.

The pastor’s wife

The family member most directly and immediately affected by the discovery of clergy sexual misconduct is the pastor’s wife. For her, his actions likely mean total devastation. Many people assume if a minister has an affair he is not at fault, but the blame rests with the women in his life. If the “other woman” is not a “seductive female,” then his wife must have been the cause of his demise.

Lying behind this assumption is the unbiblical supposition that it is the wife’s job to keep her husband happy, and that if he is not happy — as an affair would surely indicate — his wife must be at fault.

The success of a married pastor is partially dependent on maintaining a good marriage. However, we dare not use the erroneous converse to shift the blame for an affair from the pastor to his spouse, thereby minimizing his responsibility. In fact, the pastor who falls into sexual failure often enters marriage with unreasonable expectations.

Even in the best circumstances, the pastor’s wife carries heavy emotional and spiritual burdens, often without the resources usually available to other church members. But when her husband is moving to the brink of the forbidden zone, the difficulties the pastor’s wife faces compound. Whether the minister acknowledges it or not, certain women in the church will find him attractive. When this happens he will discover how easy it is to accept their uncritical admiration as a welcome contrast to his wife’s more realistic view of him. In response, his affection and intimacy for his spouse may wane at precisely the time when she needs greater reassurance of his love and understanding. Then, as he crosses the forbidden zone, her sense of self-worth wilts.

Once her husband’s illicit relationship becomes publicly known, her situation deteriorates even further. She suffers the humiliation of the public scandal, and she finds herself carrying the blame that insensitive congregants place on her. Her struggle is often exacerbated by inquiries that generally ignore her and dismiss her needs as irrelevant. Once his failure is known, the pastor’s wife also faces the difficult task of accepting what has happened. Even though she did not will it, her world has changed and will never return to its former state.

The pastor’s wife now finds herself confronted by a host of grave questions which she must face squarely if healing is to occur: What role did I play in his act? Under what circumstances can my marriage be salvaged, or will the situation lead to divorce? How can I get on with life, given the fissure his act has caused?

Sexual misconduct is similar to, but often more difficult than a death in the family. The grieving pastor’s wife finds herself adding up her losses: the destruction of her feelings of self-worth, forfeiture of the ministries she was involved in, a gnawing sense of isolation that accompanies the withdrawal of her support structures, and the shock that paralyzes her into inactivity and prohibits her from getting on with her life. She is experiencing a trauma worse than the death of her husband. Had he died, she would have been the recipient of an outpouring of support; but the disgrace she faces inflates her needs while deflating the level of support that others offer her.

The pastor’s wife must also cope with the added burden posed by the discovery that duplicity and deceit lay at the heart of her marital relationship. This causes her to doubt her capacity for making sound judgments. She wonders: How did I marry a man like this? How did I not sense what was going on? Such questions raise doubts about her ability to make appropriate decisions about her future: Can we deal with this and keep our marriage intact? Do I even want to keep the marriage together?

The most difficult task the pastor’s wife faces is putting her husband’s sexual misconduct behind her and moving on to whatever future she chooses. Above all, she will likely never be as trusting as she once was. This change may be the most difficult issue she must confront long term. Confronting it will require all the resources she can muster. Unless the process of healing allows her to overcome the gnawing distrust that the act of sexual misconduct embedded in her psyche, her wounded spirit could in the end destroy her.

The pastor’s children

For the pastor’s children, an illicit sexual relationship produces long-term devastation. When they hear of their father’s sexual misconduct, they suffer deep humiliation. As the affair becomes public knowledge, they are aware of the whispers and gossip that follow them wherever they go. Sometimes they also face public humiliation, which can surface in a tragic manner. The church may require the pastor to confess his failure at a public meeting. This may be a horrible experience for his children. To witness their father suddenly being transformed from a much loved and admired pastor to a public pariah can leave emotional scars that may never heal. Several years after it occurred, one pastor’s daughter still speaks about the terrible Sunday when her father was required to make a public confession at the morning worship service. “I felt my life collapsing,” she recalls.¹⁵ The incident resulted in the breakup of her family, leaving her and her sister wards of the state.

If their parents’ marriage does not survive the crisis, the pastor’s children will suffer all the repercussions of divorce, including the loss of a stable family environment. In addition, they will lose their place within the congregation. Even if they eventually settle into a new fellowship, the knowledge of their fallen father may pursue the family, causing a continuing sense of public humiliation and ostracism.

An incident of clergy sexual misconduct also brings long-term effects on the psychological and spiritual development of the children. One potentially affected area is sexual development. A child’s dawning awareness of sexuality is, in large part, dependent on what he or she observes in the home. Their father’s unfaithfulness and the difficulties it creates for their parents’ marriage — whether it remains intact or ends in divorce — jeopardizes the children’s ability to develop a healthy view of sexuality.

In addition, the public trauma that ensues may destroy the children’s ability to trust. This poses grave difficulties for making future commitments, healthy conflict resolution, and intimacy. But more tragic is the potential for them to become disillusioned with the spiritual resources they would normally turn to for counsel and comfort — their parents, especially their pastor-father, and the church. Years after witnessing her father’s public confession, one pastor’s daughter still remains disillusioned about their former congregation: “I’m mad. They could have handled that situation totally different. I have no desire to go back. ... I don’t understand where they’re coming from at all.”¹⁶

The victim’s children

The ripples radiating from an incident of clergy sexual misconduct extends to the family of the “other woman” as well. They suffer the repercussions the traumatic experience has on her. Clergy sexual misconduct reduces its victim’s personal worth and robs her of her innocence and spontaneity. As a consequence, the other woman’s ability to establish or maintain healthy sexual relationships is impaired. This, in turn, affects others.

The indirect victims include the children of the other woman, who may face many of the difficulties encountered by the pastor’s children — humiliation, destruction of trust, and loss of primary sexual role models. The pastor and his wife might stay together; but if the other woman is married, her marriage is less likely to weather the crisis. It probably was shaky before the sexual misconduct occurred. The trauma of a separation looms on the children’s immediate horizon.

The victim’s spouse

Another indirect victim may be the present (or future) spouse of the other woman, who must cope with the fallout from the illicit relationship. One spouse offers this assessment of the situation: “Too often the church is a perfect place for abusive men. They can parade in sheep’s clothing until in the intimacy of the counseling office, or when they have arrived to comfort a troubled parishioner, they undress and show their fangs and claws.”¹⁷

The spouse confronts problems greater than his wife’s distrust of the pastor and the church. She may inadvertently view him as if he were that pastor. The husband of an abused congregant explains: “Occasionally an unexpected move, a misplaced comment, causes a flicker of distrust to register in the corner of her eye and the ghost of another man passes over our bed and leaves us both chilled.”¹⁸ We can understand how the husband of a woman who was sexually violated by her pastor can write so passionately about it: “Does the church you attend or are thinking of attending have a policy of specific action to deal with sexual offenders? If not, stay at home. The male-dominated church leadership has not taken this issue seriously enough. You and your children would be better, physically and spiritually, humming your favorite hymn in the mall on Sunday morning.”

What Can I Do So I Will Not Fall?

Left unbridled, sexual misconduct in the pastorate will bring disastrous results. It will confirm the skepticism of critics, turn seekers away from the doorway of the church, and leave the faithful disillusioned. It will stop the ears, dull the conscience, silence the Spirit, and from the human perspective, make the death of Christ irrelevant. We dare not fall. What can ministers do to avoid falling prey to temptation’s snare? (See also the sidebar, “The Prevention of Clergy Sexual Misconduct.”)

The need of self-awareness

The first line of defense is self-awareness. Our ability to live in accordance with biblical morality and to avoid illicit sexual activity is enhanced by a deep consciousness of who we are. This includes a personal identity that arises from a vital relationship to God in Christ and from a keen sense of vocation derived from a personal divine call to the ministry. To this must be added a cognizance of one’s own susceptibility. No one — not even a dedicated servant of God — is immune to the temptation of an illicit sexual encounter. Therefore, the pastor who wants to guard his moral integrity must come to grips with his own susceptibility.

Susceptibility to sexual sin begins with attraction. We are sexual beings and are by nature sexually drawn to many persons. For this reason pastors may find themselves sexually attracted to a congregant. Left unchecked, sexual feelings can precipitate a powerful temptation to express that attraction through overt sexual acts. For this reason, the pastor must be cognizant of his feelings, honestly acknowledge the sexual attraction he senses, and confront at the onset any sexual desires that he develops for a congregant.

The need to fix everything

In addition, their role as professional caregivers makes pastors special targets for sexual failure. The tendency shared by males in our society to want to fix everything is especially evident in male clergy. This mystique can be devastating. It may render a pastor unwilling to admit that his personal skills have limits. He may not recognize when a counseling situation lies beyond his expertise. When this subtle pride combines with sexual attraction, the pastor is enticed to maintain a counseling relationship long after he has ceased to provide positive spiritual care to the congregant.

The need to rescue

The male mystique coupled with the pastoral office may lead a minister to become a rescuer. The rescuer goes beyond what is appropriate to help and assumes full responsibility for providing the solution to the sensed needs of another. Rescuer-pastors are susceptible to sexual failure because they are drawn to see themselves solely as healers, rather than as persons who also need healing.

The pastor who attempts to rescue every wounded soul yet ignores his own need for healing creates the potential for disaster when he cares for a broken and wounded female congregant. Teresa Tribe and Douglas Wilson capsulize the danger: “A male pastor placed in such a situation with a distressed female parishioner may experience a strong temptation to personalize the relationship. He may find himself crossing over healthy boundaries and fulfilling his own personal needs by imagining that he alone is the one who can rescue this woman.”¹⁹

The need for healthy self-esteem

Many personal factors can make a pastor a candidate for sexual failure. The most crucial is his deep-seated insecurities. These emerge in the dual dynamic of unacknowledged sexual needs and power needs. His low self-esteem produces a sense of powerlessness, and he may attempt to bolster his self-esteem through the perversion of power he hopes to find in an illicit sexual liaison. The debilitating demands of the ministry and his need for affirmation — sometimes compounded by difficulties in his marriage — can combine to set him up for sexual failure that his caregiving relationship with a congregant provides occasion. Vulnerability may be fueled by the pastor’s unresolved questions about his own sexuality as well. Like other people, church leaders often carry deep wounds from their past. The pastor who guards his moral integrity realizes the lure of forbidden sex may be a symptom of a need for healing for his own wounded sense of self.²⁰ Aware of this aspect of his life, he needs to take appropriate steps toward personal healing.

The need for support systems and accountability

Where can a minister go to take the steps toward the healing he needs? The answer is: to the support systems and lines of accountability in which the pastor participates. These accountability structures take many forms. Marriage is one major aspect of accountability. In addition, when a minister senses he is susceptible to a sexual temptation arising out of a specific situation, he needs to consider forming an ad hoc support system consisting of one or more clergy peers or congregational leaders. Yet, even more important for one’s overall ministry is an ongoing accountability group consisting of ecclesiastical mentors, clergy peers, or lay church leaders. Don Basham pulls no punches when he declares, “Any minister who has not found and submitted himself to some form of personal oversight, which can provide not only encouragement but also correction, is in danger of rebellion and deception.”²¹

The need to maintain distance

Perhaps no aspect of the ministry provides a more powerful context for sexual temptation than the pastor’s role as a caregiver, especially in counseling situations. Because of their wounded condition and client status in the relationship, counselees are often unaware of the importance of maintaining distance. They are not always able to perceive when the boundary of proper intimacy has been violated. Consequently, the minister providing pastoral care must ascertain what constitutes the proper balance between closeness and detachment, and then maintain that balance when he is faced with the tug toward improper intimacy. Hence, in any caregiving relationship the responsible pastor must establish an appropriate and safe distance to avoid crossing the boundary into improper intimacy, and to ensure the effectiveness of the caregiving ministry. At no time is maintaining appropriate distance more crucial than when the congregant evidences a sexual attraction for the pastor. This is the point in the counseling relationship that sexual exploitation is most likely to occur.²² The pastor’s response will largely determine whether the relationship is transformed into a source of healing or degenerates into an exploitative and abusive situation that can only exacerbate the congregant’s woundedness.

The need to understand the dynamics of therapeutic relationships

The pastor who ministers with moral integrity and fosters healing in the life of the congregant under his care must understand the deeper forces at work when a counselee’s erotic feelings are awakened.²³ It is not unusual for a wounded congregant to develop feelings for her pastoral caregiver. J. Andrew Cole points out the forces at work in counselor-counselee relationships: “Erotic feelings can easily arise in a therapeutic relationship, where two people meet alone and discuss the most intimate details of life. The patient may view the clinician as the most kindhearted, stable, wise, reasonable, and calming presence he or she has ever met. Naturally, under these circumstances, the clinician becomes important to the patient and erotic experiences can unavoidably become part of the situation.”²⁴ What the pastor perceives to be awakened sexual feelings in the congregant, however, may only be apparent. More than being a simple case of sexual interest in him per se, her expressions may mask deeper longings and needs. For this reason, Pamela Cooper-White offers this warning: “If a parishioner acts out sexually, the minister should recognize it as a clear cry for help. The last thing he should do is read it as a valid invitation.”²⁵ Rather than enhancing the pastor-congregant relationship, allowing her sexual feelings to occasion his sexual advance jeopardizes any healing his ministry might otherwise have facilitated in her life.

The reason is simple. Thirty to 70 percent of women who seek psychological treatment report a history of sexual abuse.²⁶ The woman with whom a pastor senses an erotic relationship emerging and consequently with whom he is tempted to have a sexual relationship may be like Kathi Carino. As a child she was deeply wounded by a father who took her into the basement “where he stripped me naked and whipped me with his belt before raping me” and who “dressed me like a saloon girl at age 10 and took pictures of me while a young man ‘made love’ to me.”²⁷ The deep wounds that scarred Kathi’s young life left her with both a deep distrust of people and the need for acceptance. She writes, “If I could have a nickel for each time I have asked my therapist if he hated me or each time I asked him to promise not to leave me, I would be a wealthy woman.”²⁸ Were her pastor to interpret her attraction to him as the license for a sexual indiscretion, his act would be yet one more step in the downward spiral destroying her sense of person and yet another stark reminder that men in authority are not trustworthy.

The need to take the necessary precautions

Counseling across gender lines is an inevitable part of the pastor’s vocation. Therefore, the solution to the problem of susceptibility is not to wish the pastoral role were different but to take the necessary precautions to preclude falling prey to sexual temptation. Above all, precaution means knowing and being alert for the signs that the relationship is approaching the forbidden zone. Violation of proper intimacy boundaries rarely occurs imperceptibly, but is generally preceded by ample warning signs.²⁹ For this reason, the pastor who ministers with moral integrity must be alert to the signals that indicate he is violating the proper boundaries in his relationship with a congregant under his care. Anything that blurs the distinction between a therapeutic relationship and a nontherapeutic relationship or between the roles of caregiver and friend is a warning signal. When a pastor perceives he is beginning to blur these roles — even in his mind, let alone in overt action — the time has come for him to take stock of his ability to continue to provide pastoral care to the congregant. Because he can easily refuse to acknowledge a growing sexual interest in a counselee, the married pastor should entrust to his wife the right to veto a long-term counseling relationship with any female congregant. It is also wise for the pastor to inform the counselee when counseling begins that sessions will be limited to a specific number.

The need to rely on the power of the Spirit

The lure of illicit sex is not to be minimized. Living in a society that focuses on sexual encounters, minimizes the biblical ideals of fidelity in marriage and abstinence in singleness, even ordained ministers are not immune from the powerful pull posed by sexual temptation. Pastoral care situations provide occasion for clergy sexual failure. But no pastor needs to succumb. Indeed, we dare not fall. And the good news of the gospel is that by the power of the Spirit we need not. On the contrary, male pastors can minister with integrity to women under their care, and actually turn the moment of temptation into an occasion of healing for their congregants as well as for themselves.

— Stanley J. Grenz is Pioneer McDonald professor of Theology at Carey Theological College, Vancouver, B.C., Canada.

Endnotes

1. The materials in this essay are adapted from Stanley J. Grenz and Roy D. Bell, Betrayal of Trust: Confronting and Preventing Clergy Sexual Misconduct, 2d ed. (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2001).
2. As quoted in John Dart, “Ex-Seminary Head Admits to Misconduct,” Christian Century 4 October 2003, 11.
3. See, for example, Pamela Cooper-White, “Soul Stealing: Power and Relations in Pastoral Sexual Abuse,” Christian Century, 20 February 1991, 199.
4. Peter Rutter, Sex in the Forbidden Zone: When Men in Power — Therapists, Doctors, Clergy, Teachers, and Others — Betray Women’s Trust (Los Angeles: Jeremy P. Tarcher, Inc., 1989), 25.
5. Ibid., 124.
6. John Kenneth Galbraith, The Anatomy of Power (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1983), 4–6, 14–37.
7. Ibid., 3.
8. Ibid., 5,6.
9. See Karen Lebacqz and Ronald G. Burton, Sex in the Parish (Louisville: Westminster/John Knox, 1991), 122–23; Rutter, 51.
10. J. Steven Muse, “Faith, Hope, and the ‘Urge To Merge’ in Pastoral Ministry: Some Countertransference-related Distortions of Relationship between Male Pastors and their Female Parishioners,” Journal of Pastoral Care 46/3 (Fall 1992): 303–6.
11. Ibid., 303.
12. Ibid.
13. Ibid., 305.
14. Ibid., 306.
15. Douglas Todd, “The beginning of the end: former evangelical minister who preached against homosexuality now dying of AIDS,” Vancouver Sun, 13 January 1994, sec. A1.
16. Ibid.
17. Source withheld by request.
18. Source withheld by request.
19. Teresa L. Tribe and Douglas R. Wilson, “Taken for Granted,” Practice of Ministry in Canada 9/2 (May 1992): 19.
20. Rutter, 57–61.
21. Don Basham, Lead Us Not Into Temptation (Old Tappan, N.J.: Chosen Books, 1986), 100.
22. For an example, see Janice Russell, Out of Bounds (London: Sage Publications, 1993), 112–22.
23. John D. Vogelsang, “Reconstructing the Professional at the End of Modernity,” Journal of Religion and Health 33/1 (Spring 1994): 68.
24. J. Andrew Cole, “Eroticized Psychotherapy and Its Management: A Clinical Illustration,” Journal of Psychology and Christianity 12/3 (1993): 263.
25. Cooper-White, 197.
26. James DeBoe, “Personality-Splitting Trauma,” Perspectives7/7 (September 1992): 14.
27. Kathi Carino, “A Dark Room in My Mind,” Perspectives7/7 (September 1992): 10.
28. Ibid., 11–12.
29. Muse, 306–7; Lebacqz and Barton, 65.