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Table of Contents
Making Your Marriage And Family Work
Even though clergy divorces are fewer than in other professional marriages, the rate of clergy divorce is rising. What is responsible for this?
The most frequent cause is marital infidelity. The minister becomes involved with someone else. When the minister’s wife leaves him for another man, the most frequent complaint given is the minister’s preoccupation with his work. In either event, the underlying cause is not enough time together—too much time apart.
When a minister spends 12 to 14 hours a day on the job, there isn’t enough time and energy left to invest in the marriage and children. High-energy time is spent away from each other. The couple who deprives each other of high-energy time is defrauding each other . . . stealing from each other the time and energy necessary to put together a healthy marriage. Paul warned that this sets up both partners for temptation (1 Corinthians 7:5). Then, it is just a question of who the enemy will get to first.
Some ministers find it difficult to put their marriage and family in their priorities before the interests of the institutional church. Sometimes it helps to remember Paul’s admonition that the pastor is to model the Christian life others are to follow (1 Timothy 3:1–5). By being a loving, sensitive spouse, the minister shows other couples how they should treat each other.
Pastors who organize their work well find very few times when their work conflicts with their family life. The wise pastor keeps his family life free from unpleasant conversations about church problems. If parishioners interrupt your family time with innocuous phone calls, gently encourage them to place their routine calls during office hours. Let them know you will always be available for emergency calls at home.
You might say something like, "It’s a joy to pastor people as considerate as you. You know I want to be with you when there is an emergency in your family because I’m your pastor and I love you. However, your love for me and my family is shown so practically in the fact you won’t interrupt our family life for matters that can be taken care of at my office during the day."
Richard D. Dobbins, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and founder and director of EMERGE Ministries, Akron, Ohio
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