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The Road Map of Mentoring: How To Give Directions To Younger Staff

Don't resist or resent the detours. They are often God's part in the journey.

by Dan M. Reiland

I’ve been lost a time or two in Atlanta. The way into the city is not necessarily the way out. Retracing your steps to get back to where you started is likely to land you somewhere in Alabama. Good maps are available, but not easy to read. On my own, I waste time, make unnecessary mistakes, and find more streets named Peachtree than imaginable. I generally find my way, after getting directions from someone who has been there before.

Mentoring is learning from those who have been there, and letting them share their personal map with those who need to get there. As senior pastor, you have much to offer your youth pastor. You can shape his* life for years to come.

Mentoring Maps Are Good For:

1. Seeing the big picture. People who have traveled farther in life have a larger mentoring map. These maps help the person you are mentoring gain perspective by seeing the big picture.

2. Discovering where your youth pastor is on his journey. The first step in moving toward an intentional goal is to identify where your youth pastor presently stands.

3. Identifying where your youth pastor wants/needs to go. A well-traveled mentor’s map allows the staff member to clarify where he wants to go.

4. Learning to avoid pitfalls. Life presents many different roads that look like they all arrive at the same place. They don’t. There are dead-ends, places you do not want to go, and some roads are a waste of time.

5. Choosing the best options. This is the true value of a mentor. Showing the best life-routes helps the one you mentor arrive at the destination God has designated for him.

Mentoring Is More Of A Lost Art Than A New Idea

In Titus 2:6–8, Paul wrote: "Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us" (NIV).

The Bible is full of mentoring relationships: Abraham and Lot, Jethro and Moses, Moses and Joshua, Naomi and Ruth, Elijah and Elisha, Paul and Timothy, and Jesus and the 12 disciples. Studying these relationships lets us know that mentoring isn’t always a walk in the park. It can be more like a trip and stumble, landing two steps back from where you started. Sometimes the mentorees or protégés don’t want to take the trip. Or, if they do, they want to get there on their own.

Some good things can come from traveling your own road, but traveling alone can be unwise. Life moves at a fast pace and is too complex to travel alone. Why do so many refuse directions? Perhaps there is an art in giving them the right way, and perhaps that art has been lost.

Have you ever stopped and asked for directions and heard something like this: "You know the new shopping center about a mile up the road near the theaters? Don’t go there. You need to head down First Street, but it changes names before you make the next turn, and I don’t know the name of the street you need to turn on. But if you miss it, the next exit is about 300 miles east of here, so don’t miss it."

With a map like that, I would rather try it myself too.

Mentoring By the Map—Principles That Work

1. Remember, your map doesn’t fold up perfectly. Have you ever tried to refold a map? I usually ends up looking like the Japanese origami paper-folding art. When your youth pastor tries to fold the map and doesn’t do it right, be patient. You probably didn’t get it right the first time either.

When showing the way—mentoring—always remember your humanity. You are not perfect and neither is the one you mentor. Some of the best things you can share with a younger staff member are the mistakes you’ve made and what you learned. A generous amount of grace is needed for a fruitful mentoring relationship.

If you get lost, admit it, and rechart the course. Don’t let pride short-circuit the potential of how far you can travel.

2. Agree on the destination. Make sure your youth pastor wants to take the journey of personal growth, and that you both agree on what a successful journey looks like. What is the goal? How do you know when you’ve arrived? Clearly and specifically identify the skill or character trait you want to develop.

3. Some of the roads have changed since your map was printed. I recently took my two kids to a concert of a popular recording group at the Georgia Dome. It was an evening with 70,000 other people. About halfway through the concert I wasn’t sure, but I thought my ears were bleeding. It was not my cup of tea, to say the least. But my wife gently reminded me that my parents weren’t exactly thrilled with my style of music either.

You have some great experience under your belt, but time marches on and things change. This requires that you be a student for life if you want to be an effective, life-changing mentor. Stay open to new ideas and ways of doing things, and make the effort to see life through the eyes of the person you are mentoring.

4. Travel the journey together. Putting the best map in your youth pastor’s in-box with a memo that says, "Follow my instructions," will greatly diminish the impact and potential of the mentoring relationship. In this approach, the relationship is missing.

Mentoring requires time. There is no way to get around it. That is why, after many years of investing in people’s lives, I have adopted a life-mentoring philosophy: Invest more time into less people. Quality and quantity time with a few can result in deep, meaningful, and abiding change.

5. Remain open to detours and delays. I don’t like being delayed, derailed, or detoured, but these times often teach me something—either about myself or about life. In the unplanned moments we discover our real character and ability to respond to life in healthy ways.

Mentoring doesn’t always follow the plan you carefully laid out. The blanks are not always filled in neatly. Finding your way through the detours is part of the process. The detours may be spiritual, emotional, social, intellectual, or simply skill related. Don’t resist or resent the detours. They are often God’s part in the journey.

6. Share your map for their benefit, not for yours. You are helping your youth pastor travel his journey in a more productive and meaningful way. This gets complicated when he also receives a paycheck as a staff member. But if you will mentor for his benefit and not yours or the church’s, his fruitfulness will blossom one hundredfold.

Your youth pastor needs to know that you care about him. Trust is the issue. The person you mentor must trust you to learn from you, and the trust will come as he sees that what you offer is truly a gift.

7. The journey is as important as the destination. Finally, remember that the steps of the journey are just as important as the end result. In some ways, they are even more important. Enjoy each step. Make sure you share a heart connection. Laugh often, mentor with integrity, and thank God for the results.

*This implies women youth pastors as well.

Dan M. Reiland, D.Min., is vice president of Leadership and Church Development at INJOY, Atlanta, Georgia.