Assessing the Positive Attributes of Preachers’ Kids
Research on ministers’ children (hereafter known as PKs) shows that little has been written on the lives of those who live in glass houses. According to some studies regarding PKs, these individuals experience the advantage of exposure to many aspects of life other children have not had, and have the ability to adapt and adjust to life. What are the keys that ministers need to raise responsible and loving children while meeting the demands of ministry?
The differences between PKs who were bitter and those who viewed life in a positive way depended on the consistency of how life was lived at home. |
Due to the many stressors in ministry, more research on attributes and/or stressors of PKs could be an asset to those going into ministry. Based on research completed in 1994 at an Assemblies of God Bible college, the following summarizes the research on PKs: The reoccurring theme in the literature presented PKs either as seeming to be bitter and rebellious, or very well adjusted and successful. The difference results from how parents lived the Christian life at home. As Phillips (1992) stated in his article on PKs: "Bitterness comes to pastors’ kids when they see bitterness in their parents. At home they hear petty sniping at congregational members, denigration of board members, and complaints about the job–then in public they see a false graciousness. Hypocrisy is murder to our kids. Watching a parent preach love, repentance, forgiveness, and holiness at church, then ripping his family apart because they don’t measure up to certain expectations, breeds bitter feelings and eventually poisons the child."1
In the research of PKs, the overriding results were very positive. The differences between PKs who were bitter and those who viewed life in a positive way depended on the consistency of how life was lived at home. Other factors influencing the PKs home included parents’ high expectations given with unconditional acceptance and love. Parents gave high levels of responsibility coupled with praise and support. Hugging, touching, and laughter were a part of daily home life.
The following are findings of PKs
in comparison with the general population:
1. People gatherers. The dominant trend of being people gatherers was 46 percent, compared to 17 percent of the general population. "People gatherers" are defined as those who are partially sanguine, enjoying and engaging in continual conversation with others. They draw people toward them by their warm, emotional nature. They appear to have a need to belong and to be accepted by others. They enjoy having people around and actively seek out the company of others. Their social skills are a valuable asset at work and at home, helping them achieve their goals and aspirations. They prefer variety and action and are tolerant of interruptions, such as answering a telephone. They are impatient with long, slow, and tedious work. People gatherers have a natural defense by seldom giving others the opportunity to reject them. They find it easy to seek out people and socialize. This works so well, they are seldom concerned with rejection.
2. Good self-concept. The second dominant trait found in the study of PKs showed 55 percent have a good self-concept in comparison to 7 percent of the general population. This trait was described as those having confidence in their abilities to make decisions and handle most situations as they arise. This sense of confidence enabled them to attempt complex tasks and work steadily toward goals. Generally, they proceed in a realistic manner. They enjoy recognition and the feeling of accomplishment, but seldom overstep the limits of reality in their efforts to obtain recognition. They are most comfortable when others stay off their back and allow them to demonstrate their abilities without interference.
When PKs are given great responsibility and high expectations, they tend to have a good self-concept and the ability to cope with skill and confidence. |
3. Optimistic. In the emotional involvement dimension, 55 percent of PKs were found to be optimistic in comparison to 16 percent of the general population. "Optimism" was described as being warm, affectionate, and a characteristic of one who feels comfortable with both giving and receiving attention and affection. They readily become emotionally involved with people. Since they seek a large amount of affection, they are frequently disillusioned and frustrated when their expressions of affection are not returned.
4. Creativity. In the level of organization, 54 percent of PKs were high in creativity in comparison to the general population–only 42 percent being moderate in creativity. Creativity was described as being able to patiently gather information and reach conclusions in a careful step-by-step manner. PKs were able to use information in highly creative and innovative ways. They also enjoyed learning new skills and had a broad range of interests. They tended to be enthusiastic about their ideas and are capable of instilling enthusiasm in others.
5. Mission-oriented. This trait was found in 27 percent of PKs in comparison to 7 percent of the general population. This trait is evident by those allowing their work or life’s goal to be the
criteria that they followed in life. Recognition, achievement, and the fear of failure were their motivators for life. Getting the job done at any cost was often the criteria for success. Ambition and assertiveness are qualities of the mission-oriented person. Confidence and adequacy are qualities that enable the PK to take on large amounts of responsibility.
6. Decisive. In the level of decision making, 55 percent of PKs dealt easily and quickly with decision making in comparison to 10 percent of the general population. This characteristic is described by being compulsively driven to bring closure to situations. Once these people made a decision, they tended to be satisfied and were reluctant to change their mind. When these individuals were actively working on a project, they did not like to shift attention to something else, even if it was a pressing activity that called for immediate action. PKs were able to recognize potential problems, and at times, avoid difficulties. They generally have good insight and can feel their way through tough times.2
These findings do not lump all PKs together, but instead demonstrate that when PKs are given great responsibility and high expectations, they tend to have a good self-concept and the ability to cope with skill and confidence.
Paul stresses the importance of living in our homes what we preach in the church: "He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)" (1 Timothy 3:4,5, NIV).
ENDNOTES
1. Michael Phillips, "Fatal Reaction: Antidotes to PK Poisoning," Leadership, (Fall 1992): 26—37.
2. L. Ryan and S. Ryan, RMT (Ryan Multi-dimensional Test) Manual, 1990.