Table of Contents

People Helping in the Church - PART 4

A Bibical Model for Counseling in the 21st Century

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

by Donald a. Lichi

Previous articles in this series described some basic counseling skills the 21st-century pastor needs to face increasingly complex problems in the local church. In the last issue of Enrichment I discussed how one can pray through past hurts to live more effectively in the present and future. This final article in the series demonstrates a useful model used frequently at EMERGE Ministries—"Putting Off the Old Self/Putting On the New Self"1—to deal with besetting sins and temptation.

People want their pastors to provide practical guidelines in the counseling process. They want relevant "how-to’s" for the biblical "ought-to’s." One of the most frequently presented problems is how to deal with besetting sins and/or temptation. Helping counselees admit they have problems with temptation is a significant first step in this process. For some, to acknowledge they struggle with temptation is seen as spiritual weakness or a character flaw. Not so. Scripture is quite clear that Jesus was tempted in every sense such as we are…and yet without capitulating to sin (Hebrews 4:15). To be tempted is not sin. It is only when we are drawn away in our temptation and the evil desire is conceived that it gives birth to sin (James 1:13). The following section provides a description of the model for putting off the old self/putting on the new self.

PUTTING OFF THE OLD SELF/PUTTING ON THE NEW SELF

The "Plane of Rest" (see illustration) represents the time when you are relatively free from temptation. The mind speeds along at 4,000–5,000 words per minute and much of our mental activity is spiritually driven. Wise believers seek to discern the origin of their thoughts. Eternal life emanates from the person of Christ. It impacts the mind to stimulate the brain to think in terms of urges, thoughts, fantasies, and ideas that enhance and develop one’s divine potential. Conversely, sin emanates from the person of Satan and impacts the mind to stimulate the brain to think in terms of urges, thoughts, fantasies, and ideas that detract from God’s divine ideal and develops the enemy’s destructive potential. Thus, the very act of thinking can potentially involve spiritual warfare. Take time to discern the thoughts and intents of your heart. Are they generated from the influence of God’s Son, or are they a result of the influence of God’s enemy?

Putting Off the Old Self/Putting on the New Self "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness" (Ephesians 4:22–24, NIV).

The "Plane of Intensity" represents the degree of your temptation’s intensity. Between the time you become aware you are being tempted and the point of acting out, there is a window of control called the "Way Out" or "Window of Escape." The enemy is sly, deceptive, and will seek to destroy your godly potential…but he’s not very creative. How do we know this? First Corinthians 10:13 clearly states, "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who…will with the temptation also make a way to escape." Help the people you counsel see that they are tempted "commonly" like every other person. Note also that the Holy Spirit will suggest a way out of the tempting situation. Some people hang around even after they are aware they are being tempted, and after a while, if they do not choose the way of escape suggested by the Holy Spirit, they will inevitably act out their old behavior. Then, when they evaluate their behavior, it is often with sorrow, regret, loss of spiritual growth, and perhaps irrevocable consequences. While God can and will forgive any sin we confess to Him (1 John 1:9), this does not necessarily cancel the law of the harvest. The enemy will take you farther than you intended to go, keep you longer than you intended to stay, and when he reveals the price tag, it will be more than you dreamed of paying. The best time to think about consequences of behavior is before you act out…not afterward.

The "Window of Escape" represents the period of time you have between your first awareness of tempting thoughts and your loss of control over them. When you implement some substitute behavior (do not act out on the temptation), the evaluation is positive because you have been strengthened in your "inner man." It results (for a time) in the diminished intensity of the temptation.

There are two skills people must develop with God’s help. First, they must define the triggering mechanisms (a mood, a place, certain persons). They need to ask the Holy Spirit to help them become aware of what triggers these tempting thoughts. For example, if you discover that tempting thoughts are most likely to occur when you are alone and unoccupied, avoid being alone as much as possible; or, be sure that when you are alone, you have a healthy activity to keep your mind occupied. Businessmen are particularly susceptible to sexual temptation when they are away on business trips and alone (and lonely) in their hotel rooms. Others are most likely to be tempted after a great spiritual victory—they may feel "entitled" to act out since they have done so many great things for the Lord.

If a certain part of town or certain place triggers tempting thoughts, plan your travel to avoid those places or have some type of accountability system. Perhaps your spouse or a close friend can be available "on call" to help you through a particularly difficult period. Scripture is clear that we are to "abstain from all appearance of evil" (1 Thessalonians 5:22). First Corinthians 6:18 commands, "Flee fornication." It may take several days or weeks to define all of the triggering mechanisms, but it is important for you to identify these traps of the enemy; otherwise, he will take advantage of your spiritual blindness and defeat you.

The second skill one must develop in using this practical model for putting off the old self and putting on the new self is that of defining substitute behaviors. Once a person knows he is being tempted, it is important for that person to initiate some activity to remove himself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually from the temptation. For example, turning off the television or video when a person realizes he is being tempted.

Temptation thrives on secrecy. You need to go to your spouse or friend when you are first tempted. Share the secret and have him or her pray with you. James 5:16 says, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed." Galatians 6:2 further states, "Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."

The tendency will be to avoid going to your spouse or friend in the early stages of temptation for fear of being embarrassed. However, humbling yourself and asking someone to pray for you in the early stages is much more likely to be successful in helping you break through this bondage than trying in your own strength to resist the temptation and later having him help you pray for forgiveness. Also, your honesty and transparency may cause him to seek your help during his time of temptation.

Forgiveness is not needed when you are honest about your temptation. It is only when you deceive yourself into believing that you can overcome the temptation in your own strength and fall into it that you have to ask for forgiveness.

A combination of these two skills—identifying the triggering mechanisms and defining some effective substitute behaviors—will help you to use the Way of Escape to defeat the enemy’s effort to take you to the point where you act out. Every time the Lord helps you to escape temptation at the point of evaluation indicated on the chart, praise Him and thank Him for keeping you.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION²

1. List several triggering events that have been particularly bothersome in dealing with temptation.
   
   
2. When are "addictive/sinful" cravings most prevalent?
   
   
3. Are you more susceptible to temptation when you are tired? Alone? Successful?
   
   
4. List several guards or ways of escape you will employ when you are aware of being in a state of temptation (be specific).
   
   
5. What are some healthy ways to reward yourself when you have done well or been successful?

The believer’s character, spiritual growth, reputation, and Kingdom effectiveness are a consequence and outgrowth of life choices he or she makes over time. By choosing to respond to the suggestions made to us from the power of eternal life emanating from Christ, our divine potential for Christian growth and maturity is enhanced. Without question, the 21st-century pastor will face increasingly difficult counseling situations. This series provided basic counseling skills every pastor should have in meeting the complexities presented to him or her.

Donald A. Lichi, Ph.D., is executive vice president with EMERGE Ministries, Inc., Akron, Ohio.

ENDNOTES

1. The author gratefully acknowledges the writings of Richard D. Dobbins, Ph.D., in the compilation and use of this model.
   
   
2. The author strongly suggests reading Richard Foster’s Celebration of Discipline (Rev. 1998) where he describes in practical detail the exercise of the traditional spiritual disciplines; and Dallas Ward’s The Divine Conspiracy, especially chapter nine, "A Curriculum For Christlikeness." Both books are available from Gospel Publishing House.