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For Women in Ministry: Together in Ministry

By Peggy Musgrove

In one of the earliest ministerial exercises Jesus called His disciples together and “began to send them forth by two and two” (Mark 6:7). Early on, the disciples learned the strength of companionship in the proclamation of the gospel. In a similar fashion, married couples may experience the power of companionship in ministry.

For over 30 years while my husband served in district offices, I watched young couples begin their ministry together. Couples united in ministry have a unique opportunity to experience the companionship God intended for a man and woman in the beginning. Nothing quite compares to the bonding of a couple who respond to the call of God together in ministry.

It has been more than 40 years since my husband and I left Bible college to go out as a ministerial team. Looking back I realize I was a most unlikely candidate for the ministry. My earliest memories are of the “dust-bowl” days in Kansas and attending church in a country school house. Because of the depressed economy my family moved many times, which took us out of church.

As a pastor’s son, my husband had a much better understanding of the ministry and all the related ramifications. From our differing backgrounds, equipped with Bible school diplomas and new wedding rings, we began our ministry together. Through the years we have learned several things about being together in ministry.

Early on, it became evident to us that togetherness does not depend on sameness of personality. Differences are not so noticeable while you are young. Excitement about the new adventures of marriage and ministry override personality differences. But when the dullness of daily living sets in, personal differences begin to surface.

Two people could not be much more different from each other than my husband and I in so many ways. I wake up with the sun, bouncing out of bed, feet on the floor, ready to face a new day. Not so with my beloved. He likes quiet with drawn shades in the morning.

Other differences soon appeared. I liked routine and systematic living; he liked adventure and spontaneity. We had differing expectations for involvement in the church. Even the differences of the male and female points of view sometimes put us on opposite sides of an issue.

What we learned, not without discussion, is that God could take our differences and mesh them together to strengthen us as a couple. Our togetherness did not rob us of our individuality. We had to accept our individual differences, respecting each other’s right to be different, and let God use each of us as He chose.

One of the hard lessons we had to learn was that togetherness does not depend on being in the same place at the same time. Any aspect of ministry is very demanding on the ministerial family. For pastors, the demand may be for long working hours which keep him or her away from family. Itinerary may separate a missionary family just as an evangelist may be away from home for weeks at a time.

Much of my husband’s ministry was from a district office which demanded travel almost every weekend, district tours two or three times a year, and a rigorous schedule of summer camps. When our children were young, our family traveled some together. As the children became older, particularly in their teen years, they needed the routine of home and involvement in a local church, so we did not travel together through those years.

I struggled with this separation until I accepted the fact family unity did not depend on being in the same place all the time. We were still a family, even though we were separated a great deal.

Father Damien, the Italian priest who worked with the lepers in Hawaii in the last century, dealt with loneliness as evidenced in his letters to his family in Italy. After commenting on this separation he wrote, “We are united by the tender love we bear for one another.” I learned to be thankful for the “tender love” that bonded our family together, even though we were not all together as much as we would have liked. Sometimes I think separation contributed to the enjoyment and appreciation we had for each other when we were together.

Perhaps one of the most valuable lessons we have learned is that togetherness depends on sameness of purpose. Early in our ministry my husband helped me to understand the importance of our being united in our ministry. Because of my background of irregular church attendance I did not understand the intensity of demands upon a pastor’s wife. His background as a pastor’s son gave him insight into the necessity of a pastoral couple being united in purpose and commitment. He helped me understand the expectations of the ministry.

Together we established purposes for our ministry. We determined we were not in the ministry to make a name for ourselves. We certainly were not in the ministry to make money or because it was an easy lifestyle. We were in the ministry for the evangelization of the lost and the education and edification of the church body. As a couple, we had to commit to those purposes together. My husband could not make it in the ministry without a mutual commitment from me. That commitment made early in marriage has carried us through more than 40 years of ministry.

The couple is the smallest unit of the church. Jesus said, “If two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven” (Matthew 28:19). A ministerial couple, committed to each other and the purpose of ministry, has a unique opportunity to appropriate this promise. Their commitment will strengthen the churches and ministries they serve. Their togetherness of purpose will supersede personal differences. Whether together or apart, they know they are working for a common goal.

Many things have changed since my husband and I began our ministry. Methods we used in pastoring in our early years of ministry are totally outdated today. The new choruses we learned then are archaic now. But one thing that has not changed is the commitment a ministerial couple needs as a foundation for ministry—a commitment to each other and to the common purpose of serving together in ministry.

Peggy Musgrove is director of the Women’s Ministries Department, Springfield, Missouri.