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Managing Church Conflict Creatively
Part 4: Decision (Acts 6:1–7)

Part One; Part Two; Part Three

By Richard D. Dobbins

In this final article we will consider “the bottom line” in conflict resolution—a satisfactory decision.

Frequently, a compromise can be worked out. That’s one way of creatively managing conflict, and it offers a win-win situation where everyone feels pretty good about the end product. But don’t overwork compromise; it’s not always realistic or even possible. Remember Solomon. There was only one baby. When he sought to compromise by giving each mother half of the child, the real mother quickly realized this issue couldn’t be resolved by compromise.

It is often necessary to require folks to pick a side and then require the winners to make it work. How should you respond? “ok, folks, this is how the group feels we should manage this situation—together.” This outcome is more difficult; there are perceived “winners” and “losers.” You will need to encourage those whose solutions weren’t chosen. Let them know how valuable they are to the implementation of the group’s decision. Reassure them that their ideas are worthwhile now and in the future because there are always going to be challenges which need open minds; you look forward to their contribution to future discussions on this or other issues.

Perhaps the most creative resolution is to try to find an integration of as many different points of view as possible. Creative integration would be the optimum way of managing conflict: devising a new approach that no one coming into the meeting had really seen, but that the whole group is helped to see as they look at the situation together.

This was the apostles’ way in managing that first crisis of the New Testament church: the care of widows and orphans. None of the apostles—Peter, James, or John—had considered the possibility of having deacons. All they knew was that the widows were murmuring and complaining.

They allowed the widows to murmur until their complaints were aired and desensitized. Then they stayed with that conflict and deliberated different ways of resolving it. And out of the first major conflict of the church came the whole idea of lay ministry. That was an idea that none of them had when the widows first began to gripe. If there hadn’t been the conflict, the creative dimension of lay ministry might never have been added to the church. For, out of the first major conflict came the office and ministry of “deacon.”

Brock Chisholm, former director of the World Health Organization, declared, “So far, in the history of the world, there have never been enough mature people in the right places.” Maturity never shows itself any brighter than when it shines in the midst of conflict. The mature person sees that God specializes in managing messes. Instead of focusing on the mess, the mature person sees what good and creative things God can bring out of it. God is, after all, the master of peace…in the midst of chaos. Your crisis isn’t the first one He’s had to manage.

You may be trying to make an untimely decision—in the midst of a situation about which nothing can be done at the moment. Here is how to recognize such a situation and a healthy way to temporarily “table” it. It is a very practical application of the scriptural directive to come to God “casting all your cares upon Him.”

First, determine whether anything at all can be done about the situation.Sometimes there is simply nothing that can be done. As a group, give the problem to God in prayer. Next…

If a resolution seems possible, decide whether this particular group can bring it about or if you need outside help. Remember God will never hold you accountable for things that are beyond your control. So, decide if this is something you will ever be able to do. Then…

Can anything be done about it right now? By whom?If your group can manage the task, assign a member or members to tackle the problem and report back to you. If someone outside your group or committee is better suited to managing the situation, decide who among you should approach the person(s) who can bring about change. Set a date for completion of this contact. Or…

Determine when something can be done, if not now, and make note of it in your planning calendar to remind you of the appropriate time for action. Then, as a group, “cast” this problem on the Lord for the time being. These are the steps to “casting your cares” on the Lord—a process you will undoubtedly need to go through time and again.

As you struggle with some of the difficult business of the institutional church, remember that this gorgeous planet came into existence as a result of an earlier catastrophe. When God looked at what Satan had made of earth, when it was “without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep” (Genesis 1:2), He was moved within His Spirit to restore it and create something beautiful. In the same way, when the enemy has stirred up conflict in His church, God’s Spirit moves mature people to manage that conflict creatively. He will do it as often as necessary to protect and preserve His kingdom here on earth.

Step back and divest yourself of ego-involvement. Ask God to bring His creative will out of your chaotic situations. Ask Him to help you and the others involved in your church’s decisions to bring open minds and mature attitudes to the desensitization and deliberation process—so that eventually His creative will is made manifest in the decision you reach together. Reread the story of Acts 6:1–7 and marvel at the good that came out of the first major crisis in the Church. Make yourself as open as you possibly can to whatever good He chooses to bring out of your deliberations, and encourage others to do the same.

When this happens, everybody wins—especially the kingdom of God.

Richard D. Dobbins, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and founder and clinical director of EMERGE Ministries, Akron, Ohio. He lives in Naples, Florida. His book, Invisible Imprint: What Others Feel When in Your Presence, published by VMI Publishers, Sister Oregon, 2001, can be purchased through Gospel Publishing House, Springfield, Missouri (1-800-641-4310).