Ask the Superintendent
Life leaves in its path both the wounded and the hurting. Human desperation strikes at the cord of compassion in the heart of the caring, sensitive minister. By virtue of the office, the minister is a symbol to the hurting community of the meaningfulness of the Christian faith. Pastoral care and counseling become avenues of ministry by which the church stays relevant to human need.
There is no escape from the counseling responsibilities of ministry. With it, however, come important safeguards that the prudent caregiver would be wise to observe. In his quarterly interview, General Superintendent Thomas E. Trask discusses the importance of pastoral counseling in the local church and offers candid advice to those ministers who counsel.
Should pastors be involved in counseling?
Some pastors have taken the posture that Christian counseling should not be a part of the church. I don't believe that. I believe God has placed us in our role as shepherd to give counsel and help to those in need.
During the years when Brightmoor Tabernacle in Detroit, Michigan, was in a growth pattern, I involved myself in considerable counseling. Later on, we added a full-time Christian counselor to the pastoral staff to help carry the counseling load.
What were some of the counseling guidelines you followed when you pastored that you recommend other pastors follow?
So that the enemy does not have any advantage over ministers as they counsel, I suggest they follow these guidelines:
- Never permit yourself to be in a position with a member of the opposite sex that could appear compromising.
- Have an open-door policy so no one can accuse you of an inappropriate setting.
- Have your spouse or another person of the same gender present at all times when counseling someone of the opposite sex. (See Richard R. Hammar's article “Counseling Ministries: A Legal Checkup,” pp. 43-46, regarding the clergy-penitent privilege discussed under subheading Method #1: The Third Person Rule.)
- Assure the counselee that matters discussed will be kept confidential. One of the things that destroys Christian counseling is if people know they can't trust the persons present in the counseling sessions. Pastors who divulge confidential information in their messages or conversations destroy confidence in leadership.
- Do not allow too much of your time to be taken up with counseling. I discovered I could spend several afternoons a week in counseling if I was not careful.
- Counselees need to understand that they have to be willing to submit themselves to what the Lord wants to accomplish in their hearts.
Let me give an example. A lady in the church asked me to meet with her neighbor who was a kleptomaniac. I agreed. After 45 minutes of listening to the woman brag about her ability to shoplift and not get caught, I asked her if she came to me for help. Her reply was, “No.” There was no need for me to spend any more time with her. She didn't want help. She enjoyed what she was doing. She was not a Christian and didn't make any profession of being a Christian. It was kind of her neighbor, who was a member of our church, to want to help her. But people have got to want God's help.
- Expect the counselee to attend your church services. Up front, you need to let people know that if you are going to give them counseling time, you expect them in services. They need to know that the power of God's Word is able to correct, heal, and help their situation. But if people don't want to attend your church services, then refer them to a secular counselor. Give your time to those who are part of the body of Christ that need and want help.
Pastors could literally spend all of their time counseling and never have any time to study the Word and prepare for the ministry of the Word. That's why I found it necessary to establish and follow these guidelines for counseling.
Pastors need the gift of discernment to help them determine if a person who comes to them for counseling really wants help or just sympathy.
How can ministers avoid developing emotional attachments with counselees?
I tell you what can happen. Not only can counselees transfer an emotional attachment to their counselors, but many counselors, pastors, and laypersons have been caught in a trap of countertransference. They become overly familiar with counselees and begin to allow their hearts to overrule their heads. Their emotions become involved. The counselor might have been well meaning and sincere in the beginning but became trapped by the enemy. Those who counsel should be compassionate and understanding, but they must never allow themselves to become so emotionally involved that they can't separate their feelings from the counseling situation.
It is so subtle. Ministers must be very careful. Some people deliberately set traps to lead ministers into relationships that would destroy their ministries and marriages.
A good rule of thumb is to counsel the same person only three to five sessions and then refer that person to a professional counselor for any further help.
Did you develop a referral list of professional counselors in your community?
We did. When we brought a minister on staff who was doing a lot of the counseling, we also had a referral list.
Since most churches can't afford a full-time counselor, what are some guidelines to follow in developing a referral list?
When it comes to matters of the church, pastors must know the person who is doing the counseling. I only referred to licensed professional counselors who were born-again Christians living victoriously. They had to be established in a local church and accountable to a pastor so that their reputation was above reproach. They had to have references. And we required bona fide credentials, including being licensed with the state. We were very careful which licensed mental health professionals we used.
How can ministers protect themselves from moral failure?
Ministers cannot be too careful. Let me give you an example apart from counseling. I don't believe that a pastor or any pastoral staff member should be found in a car with a companion of the opposite sex–no matter how innocent the situation. I never allowed two staff members of the opposite sex to go out to eat together, even though both were happily married.
The Scriptures say to shun not only evil but the appearance of evil. Why should we give the enemy an opportunity to accuse us?
This holds true within the area of counseling. I believe the counselor's spouse should always know where the counselor husband or wife is and what he or she is doing.
My wife always knew where I was and what the setting was, particularly if I had to work after normal working hours. I always had somebody close at hand in the office so I could never be accused of being in an unwholesome situation.
Ministers will be much better off if they will take these necessary steps to guard their lives and their testimonies. It's better to be overcautious than reckless. Ministers can keep their lives unspotted and untainted in these areas.
We're living in a deceptive age, and ministers need to be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves so that they never bring reproach to the church of Jesus Christ.
There are many lonely people out there–many in unhappy marriages. Given the right setting, an unwholesome relationship could be nurtured that would be destructive to both the counselee and the counselor.
What should be the minister's goal and motivation when counseling people from the congregation? The ultimate goal is to help people with their spiritual relationship and walk with God. If pastoral counselors will keep this goal in focus in all of their counseling and advice, then they will stay on track. When they begin to move away from nurturing a person's spiritual well-being, they will find themselves going down the road of no return. It will only open doors to destruction. The second goal is restoration. Let's say a minister is counseling a couple that is either separated or on the verge of divorce. The purpose of the counseling sessions is restoration. Those who are counseling must always follow the biblical admonition, direction, and instruction and not allow circumstances to move them away from scriptural guidance. If ministers move away from the goal of restoration in these cases, they will find themselves in trouble. The need is great out there today. With society as warped, twisted, and confused as it is, ministers are going to have more and more need for counseling in the church. There's a counseling role for the pastor or Christian counselor to fulfill. But we must be very careful. The greatest percentage of failures in the ministry start out innocently–with meaningful, pure motives. But then ministers are trapped and get caught, and it brings disaster to their lives, their homes, their churches, and to the kingdom of God. It also destroys the homes and lives of those that are being counseled. Better to err on the side of judgment and wisdom than to err on the side of emotion and be caught in failure. |
What To Expect in a Christian Counselor When it is necessary to refer someone from your congregation to a Christian counselor, the following guidelines will be helpful. Choose someone who: 1. Can be trusted to keep confidentiality. People in your congregation who have been referred do not want to hear their stories from the pulpit some Sunday or in a gathering of community Christian leaders. 2. Is a good listener. People go to a counselor to be heard, not to receive a sermon. 3. Will not turn the client into a counselor. Counselors should not share their weaknesses or reflect on their failures or problems but should focus on the needs of the counselee. 4. Has integrity and experience. Before you recommend anyone, check his or her credentials and experience. 5. Is adequately educated by a reputable school. You can tell a great deal about the Christian counselors you choose by where they have received their training and done their internship. 6. Is affordable and can be recommended without feeling guilty. You can expect Christian counselors who work with you and those you recommend to: (1) terminate the series of counseling sessions in a normal time, (2) provide a sliding scale for those who cannot pay full fees, and (3) be up front about any insurance coverage available. 7. Tracks with you theologically. To avoid damage to a counselee over biblical teachings, you should recommend a Christian counselor who agrees with, or is at least sensitive to, your theological position. 8. Is diligent. Make sure that those you refer are treated with respect and that honest counseling and therapy are going on–the counseling sessions are well organized, good records are kept, and the purpose of the meetings is realized. 9. Is a team player. The healing community (physicians, mental health professionals, Christian counselors, ministers, etc.) must work together. As a minister, you need a Christian counselor who will work with you, talk with you when permissible, and not be threatened by your input in your mutual parishioner/client relationship. 10. Is faithfully available. All parties involved should be able to reach their counselor and expect a timely response. If someone is taking a counselor's calls, then the client should have knowledge of this and have a nonthreatening comfort level with the stand-in. -Adapted from H.B. London, Jr., “What To Expect in a Christian Counselor,” Pastor to Pastor, vol. 27, published by Focus on the Family. © 1997. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission. |